“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”
― Scott Adams
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
― Scott Adams
“The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find
someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is
futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone
who is capable of significant change; that sort of person
exists only in our imaginations.”
― Scott Adams
“You’re thinking I’m one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I’m not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.”
― Scott Adams
“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.”
― Scott Adams
“Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. — Dogbert’s Motto”
― Scott Adams
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
― Scott Adams
“The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.”
― Scott Adams
“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”
― Scott Adams
“Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.”
― Scott Adams
“You can change only what people know, not what they do.”
― Scott Adams
“When did ignorance become a point of view?”
― Scott Adams
“If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you’ll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.”
― Scott Adams
“Everybody is somebody’s else’s weirdo”
― Scott Adams
“I get mail; therefore I am.”
― Scott Adams
“The best things in life are silly.”
― Scott Adams
“I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don’t mind that my quality approaches zero.”
― Scott Adams
“I made a list of skills in which I think every adult should gain a working knowledge. I wouldn’t expect you to become a master of any, but mastery isn’t necessary. Luck has a good chance of finding you if you become merely good in most of these areas. I’ll make a case for each one, but here’s the preview list.
Public speaking
Psychology
Business Writing
Accounting
Design (the basics)
Conversation
Overcoming Shyness
Second language
Golf
Proper grammar
Persuasion
Technology ( hobby level)
Proper voice technique”
― Scott Adams
“The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to
think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy.
– Wally’s Keynote Speech
”
― Scott Adams
“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational
things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the
principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.”
― Scott Adams
“A goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, its a system. If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal. If you achieve your goal, you celebrate and feel terrific, but only until you realize you just lost the thing that gave you purpose and direction. Your options are to feel empty and useless, perhaps enjoying the spoils of your success until they bore you, or set new goals and reenter the cycle of permanent presuccess failure. All I’m suggesting is that thinking of goals and systems as very different concepts has power. Goal-oriented people exist in a state of continuous presuccess failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out. Systems people succeed every time they apply their systems, in the sense that they did what they intended to do. The goals people are fighting the feeling of discouragement at each turn. The systems people are feeling good everytime they apply their system. That’s a big difference in terms of maintaining your personal energy in the right direction.”
― Scott Adams
“Remember there’s no such thing
as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple effect
with no logical end.”
― Scott Adams
“The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.”
― Scott Adams
“There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.”
― Scott Adams
“The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.”
― Scott Adams
“Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there’s no limit to what you can achieve. ”
― Scott Adams
“Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.”
― scott adams
“When life gives you lemons… choke on them and die… you stupid lemon eater.”
― Scott Adams
“Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.”
― Scott Adams
“You don’t have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.”
― Scott Adams
“You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public”
― Scott Adams
“If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has extraordinary power.”
― Scott Adams
“Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.”
― Scott Adams
“Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people’s hard work is rewarding and faster.”
― Scott Adams
“What does it mean to be yourself?” he asked. “If it
means to do what you think you ought to do, then you’re
doing that already. If it means to act like you’re exempt
from society’s influence, that’s the worst advice in the
world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes.
The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our
brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable
to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe
we have no idea how to behave.”
― Scott Adams
“The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that
helps him get through the day”
― Scott Adams
“Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.”
― Scott Adams
“Happiness has more to do with where you are heading than where you are.”
― Scott Adams
“The job isn’t done until you’ve blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.”
― Scott Adams
“Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.”
― Scott Adams
“Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there”
― Scott Adams
“The most important form of selfishness involves spending time on your fitness, eating right, pursuing your career, and still spending quality time with your family and friends.”
― Scott Adams
“Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.”
― Scott Adams
“it is not belief to say God exists and then continue sinning and hoarding your wealth while innocent people die of starvation. When belief does not control your most important decisions, it is not belief in the underlying reality, it is belief in the usefulness of believing.”
― Scott Adams
“Avoid career traps such as pursuing jobs that require you to sell your limited supply of time while preparing you for nothing better.”
― Scott Adams
“Losers have goals. Winners have systems.”
― Scott Adams
“The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.”
― Scott Adams
“Failure always brings something valuable with it. I don’t let it leave until I extract that value.”
― Scott Adams
“If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I’d be a 400 pound guy.”
― Scott Adams
“Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary
are your brain’s limits, not the universe’s.”
― Scott Adams
“The surest way to identify those who won’t succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like “My goal is to lose ten pounds.” Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you’re doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.”
― Scott Adams
“The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want.”
― Scott Adams