“I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I’d work for the Klan.”
-cheris Barkley
“You got to believe in yourself. ****, I believe I’m the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right.”
-cheris Barkley
“I don’t hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime.”
-cheris Barkley
“We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. ****! I hate my mother for having me too soon.”
-cheris Barkley
“You can talk without saying a thing. I don’t ever want to be that type of person.”
-cheris Barkley
After retiring from basketball “I’m just what America needs – another unemployed black man.
-cheris Barkley
Ernie: “Did they recognize you in South Dakota?”
Charles: “Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say ‘There he goes again’. And when I come back the next year they say ‘He’s back yawl!'”
-cheris Barkley
Right after Peja won the 3-point contest: “Kenny said it was going to be an all-international night. I want to know which international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest.”
-cheris Barkley
On the Enron scandal investigation: “Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That’s like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool.”
-cheris Barkley
“I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend.”
-cheris Barkley
Ernie: “Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.”
Charles: “20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!”
-cheris Barkley
“Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter’s old enough to take care of that herself.”
-cheris Barkley
EJ: “Did you graduate from Auburn?”
Charles: “No, but I have a couple people working for me who did.”
-cheris Barkley
“*** Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together.”
-cheris Barkley
Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: “(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”Charles Barkley: “Ernie, I don’t know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don’t get ours there.”
-cheris Barkley
On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: “Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn’t start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won’t have to kill anybody before I get inducted.”
-cheris Barkley
Kenny: “There’s guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!”
Charles: “Those are called ‘brothers’
-cheris Barkley
After Wang has a shot blocked: “He’s got to bring something stronger than that. That’s like bringing milk to a bar, it’s not strong enough”
-cheris Barkley
Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his weight: “That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don’t mind skinny people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don’t want fat people making fun of me.”
-cheris Barkley
“We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good.”
-cheris Barkley
When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: “They’re in a lot of trouble.”
-cheris Barkley
Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: “I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, ‘Yeah. I’m going to retire.’ They said, ‘Well, we’ll give you $9 million.’ And I said, ‘You got a pen on you?'”
-cheris Barkley
Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.
-cheris Barkley
“I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper.”
-cheris Barkley
“If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she’s ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can’t play a lick. Same thing.”
-cheris Barkley
After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: “You know why that little girl’s crying? It’s because she’s thinking ‘my daddy’s a wussy'”.
-cheris Barkley
Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: “Both of y’all are2 going to **** for that. Y’all are going to **** with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they’re hot. Y’all are cruel man.”
-cheris Barkley
“It’s kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith’s house.”
-cheris Barkley
“I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.”
-cheris Barkley
Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: “Phone home.” And later he remarks to Kenny, “Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he’s not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon.”
-cheris Barkley
While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: “****, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can’t just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the ‘hood.”
-cheris Barkley
Asked if he had ever been in the governor’s office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. “They don’t let many black people in the governor’s mansion in Alabama,” he said, “unless they’re cleaning.”
-cheris Barkley
On the goal of the ’92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: “To get the Canal back.”
-cheris Barkley
To Kenny: “Hakeem couldn’t kick your *** cuz you were too close, kissin his!”
-cheris Barkley
Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked “is the first NBA player from Finland”. Charles replies: “Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he’s the only person in Finland.”
-cheris Barkley
On supersized Oliver Miller: “You can’t even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.”
-cheris Barkley
“All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.”
-cheris Barkley
On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: “Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots.”
-cheris Barkley
I’d never buy my girl a watch… she’s already got a clock over the stove.
-cheris Barkley
“I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I’ve got a technique. It’s called just go get the **** ball.”
-cheris Barkley
On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: “In between arrests they do community service.”
-cheris Barkley
“Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn’t know anything about it personally but I’ve heard about it through the grapevine.
-cheris Barkley
“Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they’re still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn’t do much for them.”
-cheris Barkley
“When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.”
-cheris Barkley
“Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I’m full.”- Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts
-cheris Barkley
“I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.”
-cheris Barkley
On the All-Star Game: “****, there ain’t but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of ’em are right here in this room.”
-cheris Barkley
On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: “Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss’s wife having sex with a monkey.”
-cheris Barkley
After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: “Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?”
Charles: “Yeah I regret we weren’t on a higher floor”
-cheris Barkley
After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: “Somebody hits me, I’m going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn’t eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me.”
-cheris Barkley