Humor quote for quote lover

  • “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”― Albert Einstein
  • “The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
  • “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt
  • “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”― Robert A. Heinlein
  • “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”― Woody Allen
  • “The story so far:
    In the beginning the Universe was created.
    This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”― Douglas Adams
  • “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”― Terry Pratchett, Diggers
  • “Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.”― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
  • “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.”― Markus Herz
  • “Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”― Lemony Snicket
  • “All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
  • “Never memorize something that you can look up.”― Albert Einstein
  • “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”― Albert Einstein
  • “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”― Mark Twain
  • “I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”― Jane Austen, Jane Austen’s Letters
  • “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”― George Carlin

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