Funny Quotes To Make Your life more Joyful

Funny Quotes To Make Your life more Joyful

  • “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”– A. A. Milne
  • “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln
  • “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”– Albert Einstein
  • “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”– Albert Einstein
  • “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”– Alexander Woollcott
  • “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”– Ambrose Bierce
  • “It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”– Andy Borowitz
  • “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney
  • “At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”– Ann Landers
  • “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”– Ann Landers
  • “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”– Anton Chekhov
  • “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”– Arthur C. Clarke
  • “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”– Ashleigh Brilliant
  • “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”– Ashleigh Brilliant
  • “Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”– Benjamin Franklin
  • “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”– Benjamin Franklin
  • “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”– Benny Hill
  • “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”– Bernard Baruch
  • “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld
  • “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”– Bertrand Russell
  • “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell
  • “Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”– Betty White
  • “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”– Bill Maher
  • “Not sure which is harder on a relationship: sharing a dresser for three years or sharing an iPhone charger for one day.” —Rhea Butcher
  • “I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, ‘If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Just not these four.’” —Sheila Lee
  • “If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”– Bill Vaughan
  • “I just realized that ‘Let me check my calendar’ is the adult version of ‘Let me ask my mom.’” —Noelle Chatham
  • The planet is fine. The people are fucked. – George Carlin
  • If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
  • “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  • “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carey
  • “Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

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